


Weak

by Pomelofangirl



Series: Feelsy feels of feels. [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, Rin has low self esteem issues and his mother tries to help but doesn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 00:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3790567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomelofangirl/pseuds/Pomelofangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I told you that I want to come back to Japan for good, would you consider me a weakling?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love to die thinking about Rin giving up, don't you?  
> Basically this is what I imagine why Rin decided to come back from Australia.
> 
> This is not betad and could be done better probably.

„So, this Olympic dream of yours, how is it going?” this question was asked by one of his mother's friends visiting them for dinner.

Rin wondered if he used to tell everyone who would like to listen to him about his dream.

No, not dream.

A solid foolproof plan for the future. 

Rin was asked this at the meetup of neighbors and his mother's friends.

„What do you say, Matsuoka-kun, are we expected to look for you at the nearest Olympics?”

The older woman was careless. Of course she was, older people already situated in life always were insensitive.

It has been three years since he went to Australia in chase of his dream.

Three years since he told everyone in the vincinity about his – childish, unattainable too ambitious to ever be realized by a boy like him – dream.

The older woman did not realize the inner conflict she caused to resurface in the mind of 15 year old Rin Matsuoka. 

„Please, dear, I think Matsuoka-kun is set for the swimming competition. The nearest Olympics take place in winter, and as far as I know there are no swimming competitions then. And isn't there a minimal age of participation for such events?” the woman's husband had also a tone that indicated that he is only being polite, because they are sitting there and you have to make a topic for conversation. 

Rin guesses he could care less about the answer.

„Age doesn't matter as long as you are a prodigy.” says Rin while trying to stay composed and not letting himself add the „and I, am far from a prodigy”.

Rin saw very good swimmers being scouted and offered being taken to the Olympic team in Australia. Boys, probably not much older than him. Some were probably even his age, but he didn't care about talking with them.

When the guests left, Rin helped his mother clean up after them, he asked the question that was bugging him since he heard it.

(He asked it matter-off-factually, trying to be casual, as if his life, future and well-being did not depend on the answer he suspected he'd get.)

„Mom, did you tell Homamura-sensei and her husband about my plans for the future?”

His mother, occupied with the dishes until now, has put down the utensils and answered.

„No. I didn't. You used to talk about it to anyone who'd listen to you before you left Japan.”

„Ah. I see. Well it was some time ago, so I just didn't remember I said this.” Rin says continuing sweeping the floor with the brush. While doing this, he tries not to think about the gap between his 12 year old self and him right now. Rin tries not to think about how right now, he'd like to drop the brush and go cry this out into his pillow and then bury these feelings of inadequacy and incompetency deep into his mind so that he can survive the next term.  
These feelings are so visible here, in his old home contrasting with when he left for Australia full of dreams and hope and plans for the future, and returned with nothing done.

…

„Mom?”

„Yeah?” when Rin entered the house still in his outdoor clothes, he saw his mother reading a book. He waited until she makes eye contact with him before saying what he repeated like a mantra on his way home.

„I want to quit swimming.”

It was the only time Rin told his mother his feelings straight on and meant it. The 12 year old Rin stood in the doorway saying this, doors barely closed after his arrival from his failed race with Haruka Nanase.

Rin's eyes were red from crying and his mother had no idea what to do right then. 

„Why?” she bit her tongue and dared not to ask _„But you were so enthusiastic about it before you left. Swimming is your passion what are you planning to do now?”_

„I'm not good enough for it.” said Rin, not even taking off his coat or scarf, he just sat on the sofa beside his mother.

„You are.” 

„No I'm not! There are thousand better swimmers than me, what difference does it make that I will be an average one?”

„Well then. Do everything you can to become more than that and catch up to these swimmers. Swimming as a sport is a competition, isn't it? Besides, maybe you aren't best yet, but you are good enough to get better than this. Or is this that you want to give up all this and come back here from Australia?”

Rin could see the fury the „I did everything I could for you to get there, what more do you want from me?” and decided that he has to be strong so his mother's work doesn't go to waste. And that his father's dream would be fulfilled.

Rin remembered how proud his mom was to tell his father „Look Toraichi, Rin is going in your footsteps, please watch over him.”, and all the proud and convinced that she was right sayings „Our family will have an Olympic swimmer soon” and all the calls where Kou was left with the Yamazaki's because mom worked night shifts so she could afford Rin's school in Australia.

The point was, he could not disappoint her.

“… No. And you are right. Sorry for worrying you.”

But his mother was not stupid. She knew that she did a mistake in not letting Rin quit swimming and pressuring him by showing her weakness and true feelings in front of him.  
She saw her son change for the worse during his short visits from Australia, especially since he couldn't remember how happy swimming made him before he left.

She returned to doing the dishes and Rin's next question was almost muted by the flow of water.

„Mom?”

„Yes?”

„Would you t-tell me I'm weak if I told you that I.... want to come back to Japan for good?”

„No.” Did she ever tell him he is a weakling? Or rather, did her actions or words imply it? How did Rin, her son come to a conclusion that she considered him weak?

„But going back in the middle of the school year will be out of place. Just because I let you do that once it doesn't mean I'll let you do this again. You have to endure until you finish your first year and then I'll help you transfer.”

„Alright” 

“Rin?”

“Yes?”

“Do you still want to go in Iwatobi?”

Her son's panicked expression, as if this question was asked out of nowhere face told her much more than his words he barely said.

“N-not really.” Rin tries to continue brushing the floor but he is on the verge of crying.

“Okay then. Do you want to quit swimming?”

“I don't know.”

“I see.”


	2. What a Mother could do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was always up to her to support him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not as depressing as the previous one but does anybody pay attention to Rin's mom?
> 
> Exactly.

Her son's dreams were more important than money.

It was always so since the beginning, since the moment Rin told her that he wants to do what his father couldn't.

At the time, Mrs Matsuoka agreed because there was nothing better to do. She lost her husband, her anchor her love of her life because of the sea.

Rin's thinking was not really what she had in mind, but who was she to stop him? She was only his mother the least she could do was to support her son in his dreams.

Especially since the dream was awfully similar to Toraichi's.

She felt that, in some way, maybe Toraichi might live on if Rin becomes the olympic swimmer Toraichi always wanted to be.

Her husband never complained about the choice he made, except for that one time when Rin overheard them. But since neither had discussed the issue later, Mrs Matsuoka paid no mind.

Her son was working hard to make his dreams come true and she admired him in that. She decided that she can't be weak, and must support him with all her might.

In retrospect, letting Rin go to Australia was a mistake. Who lets her own child move away to another continent at such a young age, and not even follow him?

Many told her that she was stupid and that she should just talk some sense into Rin.

After all, planes fly over the sea too.

There was no guarantee that this stupid Matsuoka curse that Toraichi's mother was talking about did not concern Rin just because he wanted to be a swimmer.

But she did what she could to advocate her son in front of both her and her late husbands families. The opinions about being irresponsible when leaving her second child with neighbors just because she has to work more, the insults she had to take because clearly she was not meant to be a parent hurt her, but that was nothing if it meant that at least one Matsuoka will have his dream fulfilled.

So when Rin came back that day and said that he wants to quit swimming, that was her warning sign that even though she tried her best, she fucked up.

She should have let him. Seeing her son grow up in another country with other people hurt her. Then he'd come back and be with her and neither of them would feel so alone anymore.

Kou will have her brother back too.

But Mrs Matsuoka would not give up just because of a tiny weakness that for once was not because of her.

She told her son to be brave and that was that.

After all her son told everyone else that he wants to be an olympic swimmer. How could she show her face in the neighborhood if Rin came back as a failure, as a weakling as somebody who was not strong enough?

But seeing her son more tired and sad with every visit, she decided that is enough.

He asked her to come back and she let him. She did her best to arrange his return to Japan.

At first she did consider Iwatobi but the look he gave her when she asked made her reconsider.

She wanted her son close, not on the other side of the country like the Yamazaki's did with Sousuke.

Although they did say that Sousuke is very satisfied with studying in a boarding school.

Perhaps that was the solution.

In her free time, Mrs Matsuoka went around and saw the schools nearby.

Iwatobi didn't have the swim club so it was perfect for somebody who wanted to quit swimming. But she knew that Rin's friends are probably enrolled there and it was out of the question.

Sano did not have anything more than Middle School, this is why she was sending Kou to Iwatobi in the first place.

There was another school with a good basketball team, and it was only a trainride away. If somebody wanted to swim they'd have to attend the swimming club at Samezuka.

So here it was. Samezuka Academy, the swimming powerhouse.

A boarding school, but not at the other end of the country.

Students did not have to participate in the swimming club if they did not want to.

It was the best choice so far.

She asked Rin what did he think about this, but he just agreed.

She didn't want him to force anything, she believed that he will find himself somehow.

That is what a mother could do.


End file.
